Jitters

A little known fact about me is that right before a big adventure, I suddenly find myself scared SHITLESS. I try to keep it a secret. I rather keep up my image as the fearless, jet-set type. But I shall forever carry proof of it in the form of a small hole.

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May 2011. I had less than 24 hours before my flight to Spain, and instead of bouncing around, giddy and excited, I found myself sobbing in the parking lot of a Target. And so I called Sammy. We went on a pre-adventure adventure to take my mind off of the growing pit in my stomach.

She'd suggested maybe going out for Krispy Kremes or going to the mall and walking around, but I needed something a little more intense to deal with my anxiety. "Freaky's?" she asked me, eyebrow raised. It was the first smile I'd felt in days, so I made a sharp turn into their parking lot.

A half hour later, I walked out with a pierced lip Monroe and enough courage to last me until my plane ride the next morning.

 ...

What really scares me is that I know that I will never be who I was before I left for the adventure. There's almost a little period of mourning that I go through right before leaving. It's like attending a sliver of a second of your own funeral. And it's sad. And scary. Because you don't know who you're going to come back as, and how that will affect your life as you currently know it.
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I am incredibly content and cozy where I am right now in my life. Incredibly. Which is another thing that adds to my apprehension. Last year when I went on my two week adventure, everything had just fallen apart and I couldn't wait to get AWAY from it all. But this year things are quite the opposite. And so to willingly leave this reality for an unknown one for two weeks takes a little more...oomph.

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But the second I wake up, ALL of this fear and anxiety will miraculously have disappeared. I will be jumping around squealing like a little girl on Christmas morning.